Finally there is help for all income levels and credit scores.

Finally, all the helpful, life changing benefits of Scientology are no longer prohibitively expensive for the average person. Well, its still expensive, but we now offer a variety of loan packages to fit any budget to get you the help you so desperately need.

As you are surely aware, Scientology is the proven fact and science of alien souls, killed by the evil galactic ruler Xenu 75,000,000 years ago, attaching themselves to us humans and causing all of our "bad" feelings. Scientology is the only known means to rid you of these destructive beings, enabling you to finally find the peace and happiness you deserve through the very expensive process of Scientology Auditing.

As you can see, not only do we have science to backup our claims, we have charts to backup our science. Above you can observe that, of all the investments you could have made dating back to 1960, not even dollars placed in high-return sectors like NASDAQ or Iraq (now defunct) would offer gains even close to Tom Cruise.

Before applying, take a minute to say the official Scientology prayer:

Dear Benevolent Lord Zenuchrist:

We beseech you in this, our ARC break, from BO to clear, from dwindling spiral to no more enturbulence, from mere mest to beingness through the wisdom of your KRC triangle. For we are but mollusks, and you our noble clamherd, for Christ's sake we pray. Amen.

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